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Objects the Vatican MIGHT be Hiding

Due to the controversial, conspiratorial, speculatory and spiritual nature of this material, the Side Projects legal team has requested that we begin this video with the following blanket disclaimers: 

Supposedly…

Purportedly…

Allegedly…

Ostensibly…

Reputedly… 

Because let’s face it, none of what we’re about to discuss can be proven, and the Vatican can afford way better lawyers than we can. 

That said, from the world’s largest porn collection and the bones of St. Peter, to aliens and the devil himself, according to multiple internet sources – which we can all agree are almost always accurate – all kinds of things may be hidden inside the Vatican.

Now let’s take a look at a few of the most interesting. 

The Chronovisor

Imagine possessing a device so advanced that it would allow you to look back into the past. 

Here we’re talking about actually being able to view epic historical events like the birth of Christ, the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, the attack on Pearl Harbor, and the first public unveiling of the Cadillac Cimarron at the Detroit Auto Show in 1982. 

In a word – wow. 

Well according to now deceased Roman Catholic Priest François Brune, such a contraption may actually exist, and big shocker, it could be hidden behind the walls of the Vatican in Rome. 

The Chronovisor is a time viewer, that according to legend was built by an Italian priest and tinkerer named Pellegrino Ernetti working alongside nearly a dozen world-class scientists.  

The Chronovisor and Ernetti himself are the subjects of heated debate, but it’s generally accepted that the latter did actually exist, though the verdict is still out on whether the former does. 

The story goes back more than a half a century when François Brune, Ernetti, Enrico Fermi, and leading Nazi rocket scientist Wernher von Braun supposedly met clandestinely to work on a groundbreaking projecting with unimaginable scientific and religious ramifications. 

Then after years of development, the Chronovisor was born. 

Ernetti claimed that the device was housed in a large cabinet and used cathode ray tubes, antennas, levers and buttons which could be manipulated to select the time and location the user wanted to view, and in addition, the Chronovisor was capable of tracking the lives of specific individuals from beginning to end. 

At one point, a blueprint of the device even surfaced, though it didn’t look like anything a 6th grader couldn’t have drawn.  

Technical jargon aside, the machine apparently worked by receiving, processing and descrambling residual electromagnetic energy left behind from historical events. 

Luckily, this energy also contained sound wave fragments which allowed users to not only see into the past, but hear into it as well. 

Ernetti claimed to have personally witnessed numerous events from ages long past, the most poignant of which was the crucifixion of Christ, which he apparently photographed so he wouldn’t forget it later in life. 

In 1972 the image was published in an Italian magazine, but though it looked remarkably authentic, it was later proven to be a mirror image of an intricate wood carving made by sculptor Lorenzo Coullaut Valera, which cast significant doubt not only on Ernetti’s character, but the story as a whole.  

In fact it was just one of many key points of Ernetti’s tale that have been debunked, and in addition, an anonymous family member later claimed that while on his deathbed he admitted to his part in the hoax. 

According to this source, Ernetti deeply regretted his actions, though he’d only intended to draw non-believers to Christ, and strengthen the faiths of those who already believed.

Despite unsubstantiated claims of deathbed confessions however, up until the time of his death in 1994 Ernetti was adamant that the device was real, and that it’d been stashed away inside the Vatican to prevent it from falling into the hands of those intent on using it for nefarious purposes and personal gain.  

Ironically, years before his death the Vatican issued a decree stating that anyone who used such a device – if one existed – would be swiftly excommunicated. 

Some diehard Catholics believe that the Chronovisor is real, and that it has been hijacked by a tyrannical Satan-worshipping world government.

Either way, Brune, Ernetti, von Braun, and Fermi are all dead and the Vatican isn’t talking, so we’ll probably never know who killed Jimmy Hoffa, or where they buried his body. .  

The Grand Grimoire

For those unfamiliar with the term, grimoires are books containing magic spells and invocations, so in layman’s terms, the Grand Grimoire is the granddaddy of them all. 

Shrouded in myth and lore, the Grand Grimoire – also commonly referred to as Le Dragon Rouge, or The Red Dragon – is a black magic tome that may date back to the early 15th century, though it could have been written in the early 1800s and passed off as a much older work. 

Whatever the case, its author was probably a shadowy figure named Antonio Venitiana del Rabina, of whom very little, as in next to nothing, is known. 

Then again, other sources claim that it was written by the mythical figure Honorius of Thebes, who to confuse things even further, may or may not have existed. 

Though Honorius’ existence is debatable, if he was a real person and an occult author, he may have been possessed by the devil when he wrote it, as some followers suggest. 

If so, it would go a long way toward explaining its grim content.

Regardless of the author’s identity, whoever wrote the book probably based much of it on the writings of King Solomon, which were surprisingly macabre and otherworldly in their own right. 

Divided into multiple sections, the Grimoire includes a detailed organizational chart which lays out exactly who wields power in Hell, starting with Emperor Lucifer and Prince Beelzebub in the top two spots respectively, and going all the way down to the lowliest demons and warlocks.  

Other positions that we’re more familiar with in western governments today include a Prime Minister, a Commander in Chief, and an Inspector General. 

But though interesting, it’s the more practical content that makes it so popular with those intent on crossing over to the dark side, either temporarily or permanently. 

Specifically, it includes instructions and spells for summoning Satan, speaking with the dead, winning the lottery, making an amorous interest fall in love with you, and making yourself invisible. 

There’s even a handy recipe for homemade glue which is perfect for cost-conscious families with creative little ones stuck inside on a rainy day. 

Much earlier Grimoire copies have purportedly passed through the hands of a few of history’s most notorious occultists like Aleister Crowley and Éliphas Lévi, but these days reprints can be purchased at bookstores and from online retailers like Amazon.

Though there’s no evidence that the original Grimoire is secreted away in a Vatican vault, in recent years it has enjoyed a resurgence in popularity in literature, video games, movies and television series like Fox’s Sleepy Hollow.

So the question is, does the Catholic Church actually have a centuries old copy of the Grand Grimoire, or perhaps even the original tucked away somewhere?

Who knows, but though it’s little more than an urban legend and pop-culture curiosity in most countries, it’s still frequently used in Haiti and other former French colonies in the New World, where voodoo and black magic are practiced. 

On another note, the Grand Grimoire is said to be impervious to fire, which scientifically speaking is partially true of all books, since the lack of air between the pages often allows them to survive infernos when everything around them is burned to a crisp.  

The Third Secret of Fatima

Also commonly referred to as the Miracle of the Sun, the Miracle of Fatima was a series of religious apparitions that were supposedly viewed by three children near Fatima, Portugal between May and October of 1917.

Sun miracle
Sun miracle. By AwfulTrue, is licensed under CC-BY

In each vision, the children – aged 7 to 10-years-old – claimed that they saw the Virgin Mary in the sky, and that she revealed three secrets about momentous events that would take place in the future.  

Though by now all three have technically been disclosed, some devout Catholics, conspiracy theorists and all-around naysayers are convinced that the Vatican may not be telling the truth about the third and final secret.  

The first two were officially revealed in the 1940s through the writings of the last surviving child, since the others died within a few years of the event. 

But for some reason the third secret was sealed in an envelope and sent to the Vatican where it sat for more than half a century. 

In the first secret the children saw the bowels of hell, in which hordes of poor souls burned in seas of fire while unspeakably hideous demons tormented them mercilessly. 

In the second, they were told that the First World War would soon end, which it did in November of 1918.  

The disclosure of the first two secrets caused rumors to swirl about the third, and everyone wondered why the Catholic Church was keeping it under such tight wraps. 

Some speculated that it foretold the fall of communism, while others thought it might pinpoint the end of the world due to a cataclysmic event like a global thermonuclear war. 

In fact, the clamor for the third secret became so frenzied that it resulted in a number of long-term hunger strikes and the hijacking of at least one aircraft, neither of which prompted the Vatican to spill the proverbial beans.   

Then, in 2000 with nary a word of warning, the Church disclosed that the third secret of Fátima had been the foretelling of the assassination attempt made on Pope John Paul II in 1981. 

As John Paul drove through a crowd in St. Peter’s Square on May 13th of that year – the anniversary of one the 1917 apparitions – he was shot four times by Turkish assassin Mehmet Ali Ağca. 

The Pope suffered severe blood loss but survived, and Ağca was immediately apprehended.

At trial, the gunman claimed that the botched assassination was connected to the third secret of Fatima. 

Though he was sentenced by an Italian court to life in prison, Ağca was later befriended by the very Pope he’d tried to kill.  

Up until the time of his death John Paul II maintained that his life had been spared by the visions in Fatima, but it was later revealed that he’d known about the third secret since 1978, two years before the attempt on his life 

If so, one wonders why security wasn’t beefed up, or the event wasn’t cancelled altogether. 

Despite the most recent revelation however, some claim that it wasn’t the real secret, and that the truth may still be hidden somewhere inside the Vatican. 

As to why the secret wasn’t revealed until 2000, in 1996 a Vatican spokesperson stated that there was nothing particularly worrisome in the message, and that releasing it before the event it predicted would have caused undue consternation among the masses and led to “confusing religious prophecy.”

Though it’s a fascinating story, ardent traditionalists suspect that the real third secret had nothing to do with the attempted assassination of the Pope, but that it may have foretold a coming rift inside the church, namely the “heretical” reforms instituted by the Second Vatican Council that are seen by many as an unforgivable departure from tradition.  

The Essene Gospel of Peace

Edmond Bordeaux Szekely from 1972
Edmond Bordeaux Szekely from 1972

Translated, written and revised numerous times by Hungarian linguist, philosopher and health enthusiast Edmond Bordeaux Szekely between the 1930s and ‘70s, the Essene Gospel of Peace is an obscure but enigmatic work that may have been based on ancient manuscripts hidden inside the Vatican. 

According to Szekely, the contents of his book came largely from historical Hebrew and Aramaic texts which he purportedly discovered in the Vatican archives and the Benedictine Monastery in Monte Cassino, Italy in the 1920s.

Claiming that the artifacts to which he’s referring don’t officially exist according to the Vatican, many scholars and historians consider his work an outright hoax.  

And perhaps even more damning, the Vatican claims that there’s no record of Szekely ever visiting the archives, and it goes without saying that they’d never resort to a cover-up.   

That said, short of breaking into the Vatican – which is protected by pike-wielding Swiss beefeaters – there’s no way to verify either Szekely’s or the Church’s claims, and since Monte Cassino and the historical items contained therein were destroyed during World War II, that line of inquiry is a dead end as well. 

What’s odd about Szekely’s case is that unlike other possibly earth-shattering items secreted away in the Vatican’s vaults that deal with weighty issues like assassinations and End of Days scenarios, the Essene Gospel of Peace’s message is centered around the relatively mundane topics of health and diet. 

More to the point, Szekely claims that the Essenes – a Jewish sect active before and during Jesus’ lifetime – were vegetarians, and that Jesus was too. 

Whether true or not, it might not seem like a particularly controversial assertion, except that it is. 

In fact, both Szekely and his work were and still are mercilessly ridiculed and criticized by detractors of nearly all stripes, but the questions remain, why did expounding the virtues of a healthy lifestyle create such a furor, and does the Vatican have motive to obscure the fact that Jesus was a vegetarian if he really was one? 

Szekely supported his case by pointing out that some of what he discovered was similar to passages in the Old and New Testaments, and later to those found in the Dead Sea Scrolls, which were discovered in 1947 more than a decade after he first published his work. 

The scrolls provided a first-hand look into ancient Jewish practices and beliefs which had only been vaguely alluded to in the Bible. 

Szekely’s critics found it suspicious that he updated and republished his work yet again shortly after the scrolls were discovered, which they saw as proof that he was trying to use their popularity to sell more books. 

But since he’d already revised his book numerous times before it wasn’t exactly a smoking gun, and Szekely readily admitted that the scrolls supported his work and that continually updating  content was vital to spreading his word, which after all, was only aimed at keeping open-minded people happy and healthy. . 

Undeterred, Szekely continued refining his work and began spending more and more time traveling abroad expounding the benefits of healthy living, and trying to convince his critics that he wasn’t just peddling new-age bunk to get rich. 

Szekely lived in England shortly before moving to America and marrying a prominent New York vegetarian. 

In 1940 the couple opened a health retreat in Tecate, Baja California, Mexico, which they named Rancho la Puerta, where they set out exploring new fields and testing their ideas. 

Decades before they became fads, the Szekelys grew organic produce, swore off packaged and processed foods chock full of refined sugar, cholesterol, additives and preservatives, and invited guests from all over the world interested in pursuing both physical and emotional health, which they believed were inextricably linked. 

Huckster or not, in face of a global health and obesity crisis caused largely by unhealthy food, inactivity and environmental toxins, Szekely’s teachings are as relevant today as they were in the mid-20th century.

Rancho la Puerta continues to operate as a health spa and eco resort, and it’s still owned by the Szekely family. 

Spread over 3,000 acres of beautiful desert landscape just over the Mexican border southeast of San Diego, it’s amenities include numerous gardens, nearly 90 well-appointed rooms, a cathedral, and an impressive art collection.

And no, it’s not cheap. 

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